New beginnings

Hello blog,

As I was reflecting on this life-changing weekend (if you don't know what I'm talking about, you can refer to my facebook page), I came across and re-read my "about me" section on this blog. Originally, when I wrote "It seems as the world is going to put up a fight and try to thwart me in my efforts [to become a Catholic doctor, wife and mom]", I was only referring to the doctor part. Well here I am officially thwarted in what I thought was my path to becoming a wife and mom. Funny how when you think that things are going so perfectly, they are still capable of crumbling beneath you. With that said, I am not mad or bitter at anyone or anything. I trust in God's will and I trust that the person who made this decision does not take deciphering His will lightly and therefore I trust the decision.

So now that I've gotten into 5 med schools and am well on my way to fulfilling my vocation as a doctor, I guess this blog can also document the second leg of my journey to fulfill my vocation as a wife and mom. It's very strange, this emptiness, this void I feel inside. It's not that I'm lonely but I feel like I had a grand plan written up on a white board and someone just erased them all. I suppose the saying is true, "If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans". I am really good at making Him laugh, let me tell ya. It's a humbling experience for sure because I thought I had things figured out but God just needed to remind me that we're sort of playing by his rules here. We are not playing "I win" (see Big Daddy).

There are two things that I am using as reflections to help me through this rough patch. One is the lyrics to the song He Will Carry You where it says "There is no storm so dark, God cannot calm it; There is no sorrow so deep, He cannot soothe it. If He carried the weight of the world upon His shoulders, I know my brother that He will carry you". The other is Matthew 26:39 "My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from me; yet not as I will, but as you will". I know that in my sadness, He will be there to get me through it. And as much as I want him to take this pain (cup) away, I want His will to be done. I think for now, I'm proud of how far I've come in the past 4 days. I am looking forward to see how this will change me as a person for the better.