notable rejection

Today, I checked my application status for UIC's med school and saw the status which means I got rejected. Sigh. There are ups and downs to this rejection. First, I don't really have a desire to go to Peoria anymore anyways so I'm not TOO terribly disappointed. Second, now I won't have a tough decision to make had I gotten into the Peoria campus. I don't have to go through the inner debate about whether or not I had wanted to go to the Peoria campus for other reasons than the fact that Phil is there. Besides, I've visited the Chicago, Champaign and Peoria campus for UIC and they are all crappy compared to Des Moines University, which is my #1 out of the schools I've been accepted to so far. But keep your fingers cross and say a prayer for me so that I'll hear from Loyola soon.

enlightened?

Hey gang,

I wanted to share with you some thoughts that I came upon (only with the grace of God) while I was in Champaign a couple of weeks ago. The gospel was the one where the peeps ask Jesus who is the woman's husband in heaven if she's had seven husbands. This made me recall a time when, I don't know what we were talking about but, I mentioned something about me and Phil being married in heaven and he replied, I don't think people are married in heaven. I never gave it much thought at that point except for thinking, oh yeah, you're right. But this gospel, in combination with one of the three homilies I heard, reminded me that in heaven, you are in perfect union with God which is better than anything you can get out of marriage- that in fact, marriage is a vehicle to get you to the point where in heaven, you CAN be in perfect union with God. Another thing that I thought about is that whenever I thought about wedding plans, I thought about the details about the ceremony and the reception but never focused on the fact that I'd be receiving a SACRAMENT. Wow, kind of missed that boat. This progression of thoughts made me think that maybe I wasn't, and maybe still am not, ready for marriage. It seems as though I wanted to get married because it was part of my plan. I mean, I still believe that I am CALLED to marriage- just not yet. I've got lots of growing to do in the meantime, that's for sure. So consider me enlightened...or not...but I love this whole learn-new-things-about-myself phase of life I'm going through.

Singing it out

As many of you know, music is a huge part of my life. I really like finding and listening to songs with lyrics that express how I'm feeling at the moment. In addition to listening to songs, I love singing the songs with lyrics that resonate with my mood, that have put into words the thoughts I couldn't organize. Sometimes, belting a song at the top of my lungs just lifts the weight off my shoulders and gives me a freeing feeling. With all that being said, I recorded a handful of praise and worship songs yesterday with Matt Brenner at St. John's. This was therapeutic for me for several reasons: I was in my favorite chapel, I got to sing till I almost had no voice (after having sang at vigil choir, reunion, noon choir and 5pm choir), the songs had lyrics that are close to my heart right now, and now I have recordings of those songs (which I haven't managed to find anywhere else). Among the songs that were recorded was the NFK91 blessing song. I was on music team for that retreat and helped write that song and I swear, it's as if my past self was writing these lyrics for my present self:

When we need forgiveness, we fall on our knees

We trust in your love and your mercy

When we’re lost and alone, we fall on our knees

We pray for your guidance and help

We fall on our knees in humble adoration

We praise you for the wonder of the cross

Though our minds may not comprehend your will

We have faith to follow in your path

May God take our suffering and all of our prayer

And send down his blessings upon you

That you might know His ways and be filled with His grace

Be strengthened to glorify His name

Isn't it amazing how God intertwines our life stories like this? Anyway, I am listing the songs we recorded below and if you would like a copy for your own listening pleasure (pleasure is loosely used here- they aren't the most polished of recordings), feel free to either leave a comment here saying which ones you want or you can email me your selection.

I offer my life

I give you my heart

Job's song

Lord I want to know you more

Hungry

Jesus, all for Jesus

In your hands

Jesus lover of my soul

the parentals

Today I finally let my parents talk to me about my break up. Up to this point, I didn't want them to say anything about it and I just wanted to tell them what I wanted to tell them. Over dinner, my parents gave me the typical words of wisdom that everyone else has been giving me over the past 9 days but it felt different coming from my parents. I'm glad to have their support through this time and that they aren't mad at Phil for breaking my heart, even though I think they too were hoping he was going to be their son-in-law. I am well on my way to emotional recovery: eating normal sized meals, sleeping through the night among other things. Thank you everyone for your continued prayers, I can feel the effect of each one.